Just weeks into my college course I received a citation from Kilmarnock Sheriff court calling me up for Jury duty. I felt scared, as this was a completely new experience and one that filled me with dread. I didn’t relish the prospect of having to decide someone else’s fate.

When I got to the court there were 60 of us who had been called. I had a look around and could see that most of the others were over forty; I was the youngest there. Randomly the court official started calling out names. Mine was the eleventh name called. The man next to me turned and said: “Good luck son.” His was the next name called; he swore.

I had been sitting thinking I was off the hook. Now I was totally shell shocked.

Once we were all picked we were taken to the Juror’s box and then we were instructed on how a court operates by the Lord Advocate, and given the details of what turned out to be a very harrowing murder case. The Clerk of Court then administered the oath. This process is called ‘swearing in.’

As this was a murder trial and the Sheriff court usually sits for most cases, on this occasion it became the High Court, which can sit anywhere a murder, or serious crime has been committed.

As a juror you can affirm instead of swearing the oath. Affirming means that you make a promise before the court that you will try the case and reach a true verdict on the evidence presented. Swearing the oath does involve having a Bible placed in your hand.

Once the trial had begun, we weren’t allowed to discuss the case with anyone except fellow jurors and then, only in the jury room. We were given seat numbers, and had to sit in the same seat for the whole trial.

There were one or two light moments in the midst of this unfolding tragedy. I thought the judge looked a little like Michael Gambon off the TV. The was one lady we’ll call her Moira. She would laugh when we said we could be on Jerry Springer. The other jurors laughed at my doodling during the lunch hour. We had to laugh as the details of this case were paraded in front of us for eight days.

As each witness took the stand, it became more and more frustrating for some to sit through the experience, especially when a witness became unreliable through the process or, as one would be held in contempt for swearing.

Some of the forensic evidence was harrowing but necessary. We were shown photographs of the murder victim; this was hard to handle for most of us. There were slightly more men than women, most of us didn’t want to be there, but we just had to get on with it.

As soon as we arrived in our little room, I saw that every juror had taken their responsibility incredibly seriously. Everyone had taken notes, listened intensely throughout; making sure we all had each piece of vital evidence together, although at times, it was very stressful in this particular case.

In a jury, your voice genuinely counts, your decision has an impact and it will be acted upon, which makes it all the more distressing and stressful most of the time.

Jury duty proved especially damaging for me as I went through all sorts of emotions in the Jury room and in the Courtroom. I felt particularly vulnerable as the youngest juror. The others were constantly looking out for me and asking me if I was ok. They would say things like: “You all right son? Can I get you a cup of tea son?”

When it came to verdict time, most of the Jurors found deliberation stressful especially when it came to the last minute and some changed their minds, as soon as we got back in the court room hearing from the prosecution to the defence. It was all about knowing that our decision could put this person behind bars for a very long time, which for some of us, made us feel physically sick of even thinking of that, but at the end of the day, it’s the law, and if you do the crime, you have to do the time.

As the verdict was delivered it was sort of strange and we knew it was the end of a long battle of sitting in a courtroom day after day. But it was worth it in the end because justice was served.